11 things I had to learn about my female body "the hard way" (tell me I'm not the only one?)

Stuff you should know -- and I wish I'd known sooner - so we would know it wasn't "all in our heads"

Hey, friend.

This is Micah from Modern Hysteria, your newsletter (and podcast) about the taboo topics in women’s health.

I posted on social media this morning about what happened to the CEO of United Healthcare, and it brought back a bunch of memories of hours spent on hold with United, trying like hell to get my hands on my preauthorized Lupron injections (that ended up being a jaw-dropping $1,900, each, with insurance).

THE injection 😕

There is so much I have learned about my body, health, and healthcare just … on the fly. As I went. And wished I had known sooner, because I would have felt less alone (and less crazy) when it was all going down. I STILL feel this way as I navigate life, post-menopause.

That’s actually why I write this newsletter (and produce the podcast).

So: Here’s a list of things I had to learn about my body “the hard way.” ↓

⚠️ Content warning: Pregnancy loss, postpartum psychosis and infanticide

---

1️⃣ Postpartum anxiety is … a thing

When I had my son in early 2019, I knew (vaguely) that postpartum depression was a thing. I mostly heard it called “baby blues.” And I filled out the little survey at my son’s checkups at the pediatrician that were like, “are you sad?”

But I had no idea that postpartum anxiety (and psychosis) were a thing until two tragic cases of postpartum psychosis and infanticide hit the news — and the hospital where my husband worked.

I, like a lot of new moms, had a lot of distressing, compulsive intrusive thoughts in the months following my son’s birth, including very strange times when I was convinced I would find him in a drainage culvert down the road (when he was very clearly in the stroller I was pushing). I wish I’d known PPA was as much a real condition as PPD.

2️⃣ People don’t know how to handle traumatic birth

I had my son six weeks early after staying a month in the hospital on bed rest due to preeclampsia. And something I noticed afterward is that even the most well-meaning folks talked about my baby, not me:

“Well, at least you have a healthy baby!”

That much was true, but since births that go wrong are often so horrifying, we have a cultural silence around them. There’s no go-to script for what to say to someone whose pregnancy and labor don’t go as planned (which makes it very isolating).

→ (Podcast episode about this coming soon!)

3️⃣ How hormonal you are after a miscarriage

After I had a miscarriage in 2018 I was beyond melancholy, for obvious reasons. But the depression — and hormonal mood swings — lasted for months.

→ It’s all in your head

4️⃣ Mastitis can kick your ass

In September 2019, when my son was almost seven months old and I was still trying to breastfeed, I was in and out of the emergency room with mastitis — inflammation of the breast tissue (in more than one country, lol). The first time, I thought I lost my damn mind. I tried to sit down to pee, fell over, hit my head, and tried to jump out of my husband’s truck on the highway when he took me to the hospital. I didn’t have the classic breast pain signs yet, but I was going septic from subclinical mastitis.

5️⃣ Hormone replacement therapy is a “man’s world”

I’ve been in surgical menopause for more than one year now (I’m 33). And, before I got all my “equipment” removed, I thought I would just slap on an estrogen patch and call it good. But it’s so much more complicated than that. And, according to my OB, there aren’t that many good options for hormone replacement in women, because there’s not a lot of new research.

“This is all I can do for you,” he said. “It’s a man’s world.” 😕

6️⃣ Menopause makes your bones ache

You probably know about the “classic” symptom of menopause, right? Hot flashes. But menopause comes with a myriad of other sensations: Anxiety, fatigue, depression, muscle loss, itchy ears, weight gain, sleeplessness, and joint pain. Fun!

7️⃣ What “normal” periods look like

Um. Why did I think being doubled over from cramps and bleeding through 8-10 pads AND tampons — and through my pants — was “normal?”

8️⃣ It shouldn’t hurt when you pee

It’s crazy what you get used to when it happens slowly, over time! I didn’t realize until I had a hysterectomy that my bloating, discomfort, and painful urination (dysuria) were probably from the oversized, “boggy” uterus overflowing my pelvis. But painful urination is not normal and can happen for a lot of reasons, including UTIs — urinary tract infections — or endometriosis (or adenomyosis).

9️⃣ Postmenopausal weight gain is a different beast

As my fellow surgical menopause friend said recently: “I just look at a hot dog and gain weight!” 🌭

The drop in estrogen in menopausal women is associated with increased belly fat and muscle loss. But it’s not necessarily about what you eat; it can be hormonal, genetic, or because of lifestyle factors (most likely all three).

→ Set point theory set me free (as a postmenopausal mom recovering from an eating disorder)

1️⃣0️⃣ People don’t like to talk about menopause

The silence around menopause is fascinating to me, because it’s something that half the world’s population will most likely experience in their lifetimes. But when I mention it — and I often mention it — it usually causes an abrupt end to a conversation. Unless I’m with other peri/menopausal gals, and then they totally get it.

1️⃣1️⃣ We need community maybe more than anything

I’ve got a good team of healthcare providers right now, but nearly every major breakthrough I have had in understanding my body was because of other women sharing their stories.

The reason so many of us feel confused, frustrated, and isolated regarding our health and healthcare is because social stigmas (and patriarchal culture) keeps women’s bodies taboo, unless they are there for other people’s consumption.

The best antidote, in my opinion, to the taboo nature of women’s health is OTHER WOMEN. ᠅

Tell me what you think …

---

I talk about this on the Modern Hysteria podcast: In the latest episode,

Laura Lemon

and I chatted about what we’re not getting in terms of postpartum support (and why we need community).

🎧 Listen to S1E3 here:

And join me for our next (free, online) Women’s Sharing Circle next week — Dec 10, 1p ET / 10a PT — to talk about Feminine Rage. 🔥

Have a good weekend!

— Micah

P.S. In case you’re in the mood for a new book, I made this Book Finder that makes personalized book recommendations 🤖, including titles from

Amanda Montei

and

Jessica Valenti

Try the Book Finder