In June I stood on the starting line of a half marathon knowing I was going to be in pain. The injuries I battled throughout my training resulted in an ugly limp, so a lovely physiatrist gave me a last-minute steroid injection straight into my hip joint on his exam table with the hope that it would give me some relief.
With the doc’s blessing I ignored my loving husband’s concerns and pinned on my race number. During the run, I took half an oxycodone at the five-mile mark with a swallow of water from a Dixie cup and didn’t dare slow my roll.
Bum hip be damned; I beat my goal time by 9 minutes and was thrilled!
I was as surprised as my doctors when an MRI after the race revealed that I had been running on a hip that was starting to fracture.
“It’s just a flesh wound”
Like a lot of women, I’ve had my pain minimized and dismissed by many a medical professional. Over the years I started to internalize that message, so much so that I tend to convince myself whatever I’m feeling isn’t a big deal, or is a figment of my imagination.
Like the knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I tell myself:
“It’s just a flesh wound!”
Why does this happen?
Some research suggests that because women are more likely to be other-centered and passive in conversation, traditional patient interviews doesn’t get to the root of their diagnoses.
But I argue that this is a symptom of a deeper issue: That we often don’t think we will be believed or taken seriously.
How is women’s pain dismissed and minimized?
We think men experience more pain than women
Studies suggest that medical providers (men and women) consistently ascribe more pain to their male patients than their female patients, regardless of their symptoms or diagnoses.
And this pattern starts early in life.
In a 2016 study from the University of Sussex in England researchers played recorded baby cries to moms and dads of three-month-old babies. When male parents were told that a cry belonged to a male baby they rated the baby as in more pain.
Women are less likely to be given pain medication
When women seek medical help their providers are 10% less likely to record a pain score. When they are prescribed medication due to their pain, women are more likely than men to be prescribed psych meds or sedatives than men, who are more likely to be offered pain medication (and wait less time for it).
Perhaps this is because women’s pain is more likely to be dismissed as “psychosomatic” or imagined. Swedish research suggests that women who have not reported depression are twice as likely as men to be prescribed antidepressants.
Women wait longer to see a provider
When we seek medical attention women are also likely to wait longer to see a provider. A review of 92,000 emergency department visits suggested that women have longer wait times than men.
Why this matters
A 2011 US Institute of Medicine report on chronic pain tells us that women experiencing pain face “discrimination, neglect, and dismissal” by the healthcare system.
When we are seen by providers, we are often told it’s “all in our heads.” And, if we are taken seriously, it often takes a long time to get the right diagnosis and treatment for conditions that primarily affect women, like endometriosis and PMS.
Women wait longer for help even when they’re experiencing something rather straightforward — like a heart attack — but when it’s an uncommon, chronic, autoimmune, or invisible illness? It can be hard to have faith in a medical system that second guesses your experiences every step of the way.
What we want
Are women just weaker or whinier?
No, probably not. There is some evidence to suggest that men and women experience pain differently, but the most likely culprit of the uneven treatment of women’s pain is the culture in which we have been socialized.
Take, for instance, this very satisfying video from Somedays of cowboys at the Calgary Stampede subjecting themselves to a period pain simulator:
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Men are burdened by our culture’s idealized and toxic masculinity, in that it can be hard for them to admit they’re in pain and ask for help. When they do, though, it seems they are taken more seriously and have fewer barriers to advocating for themselves (toxic masculinity and patriarchy hurt everyone).
In a medical system built upon the male body our biology is the “other.” We’re the “weaker sex” with natural cycles that have been pathologized for centuries. Being a woman has, for ages, been seen as its own illness. So, in a culture with a history of lobotomies and “rest cures,” how could we be taken seriously?
What we can do about it
For better or for worse, I think that being gaslit about our pain has made many women very, very tough. I mean, consider how many folks spend a week a month in level 10 pain on that period pain simulator?
But we do have some agency. Here are some suggestions I keep in mind when I see a provider:
Action items
Remember that it’s okay to get a second opinion
Document your symptoms (many providers will be thrilled to see a log!)
Ask clarifying questions
Join relevant support groups
Share your stories to validate other women’s experiences
Join me for Women’s Sharing Circles
Women’s Sharing Circles are free, monthly, and live Zoom chats about women’s issues like menopause, marriage, motherhood, and infertility. Each month we have a theme and loose discussion points you will receive ahead of time via email.
Click here if you’re interested and want to stay in the loop with upcoming Sharing Circles.
🫖 August 2024 Sharing Circle on Aging
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