Oh my word yes!!! This conversation about mental load and invisible labor has been on my "conversations to have with my husband" list for over a year. Thanks for spelling out some specific things I can use to share with him
YES! Show it to him. I wrote a piece on the mental load called “It’s All in Her Head…and it’s exhausting” and i still get emails from women who showed it to their partners and say, “he finally gets it.” Fairness makes everyone happier.
Please don't make me add "spray off window screens" to my list (just kidding). This is a great roundup. I think stocking the pantry with food for the **whole** family is another I'd add to the list.
Most of the pressure I get to do the above 'invisible' work, comes from my Mother-in-law, which I don't hear enough women talking about. She sent cards and kept the family calendar forever and now looks to me to do the same. When she wants to see her grandkids, she texts me for calendar info. She sends arbitrary cards for every single stupid holiday including religious ones that she doesn't celebrate. When she brings things over, she expects a Thank You card, etc. I am actually very good about all this..but since noticing it, I have asked myself W H Y I do these things and W H O ever told me to do them? Most of the above work you mentioned - N O O N E asked us to do. It is IMPLIED!
Fair Play is great, but again, it all feels like it's on the woman to teach the man how to be an adult in his own house. And, btw, to do it in a certain way (emotional labor) to make sure that it lands correctly and is actually useful/helpful to the woman and that something improves. And I am so frustrated by the whole thing, that this too, teaching him about invisible labor, in a certain way, has to be on MY to-do list.
Beautifully and perfectly stated! And all too-relatable. My piece on the mental load is the only one that’s gone viral bc too many women in hetero relationships can relate.
Yes!!! I created a list of job descriptions complete with requirements + salary. Each year we sit down as a family, review them, and add new ones (this year we added family trainer + social worker) as the needs of our household change. We have teens now (2 boys) who we are trying hard to raise not just to see ALL the labor required to run a household but to also creative claim, master, and enhance it. Finding joy in this kind of care giving feels really good to me lately. Thought I’d share.
Oh my word yes!!! This conversation about mental load and invisible labor has been on my "conversations to have with my husband" list for over a year. Thanks for spelling out some specific things I can use to share with him
I’m so glad to hear it will be helpful! These things are so ingrained I find it useful to have them articulated so they become VISIBLE 🖤
YES! Show it to him. I wrote a piece on the mental load called “It’s All in Her Head…and it’s exhausting” and i still get emails from women who showed it to their partners and say, “he finally gets it.” Fairness makes everyone happier.
Please don't make me add "spray off window screens" to my list (just kidding). This is a great roundup. I think stocking the pantry with food for the **whole** family is another I'd add to the list.
hahahaha
Most of the pressure I get to do the above 'invisible' work, comes from my Mother-in-law, which I don't hear enough women talking about. She sent cards and kept the family calendar forever and now looks to me to do the same. When she wants to see her grandkids, she texts me for calendar info. She sends arbitrary cards for every single stupid holiday including religious ones that she doesn't celebrate. When she brings things over, she expects a Thank You card, etc. I am actually very good about all this..but since noticing it, I have asked myself W H Y I do these things and W H O ever told me to do them? Most of the above work you mentioned - N O O N E asked us to do. It is IMPLIED!
Thank you for sharing that! It’s giving me lots of food for thought in the MIL relationship 🖤
Fair Play is great, but again, it all feels like it's on the woman to teach the man how to be an adult in his own house. And, btw, to do it in a certain way (emotional labor) to make sure that it lands correctly and is actually useful/helpful to the woman and that something improves. And I am so frustrated by the whole thing, that this too, teaching him about invisible labor, in a certain way, has to be on MY to-do list.
I hear you! It feels unavoidable sometimes
i loved fair play!! ty for this article!
oooo i did write one article on moms…from the perspective of me, 28 and not a mom.
it’s a thank u to all of you!!
https://open.substack.com/pub/madelineperkins/p/symbolic-acts-part-ii?r=reqtm&utm_medium=ios
Beautifully and perfectly stated! And all too-relatable. My piece on the mental load is the only one that’s gone viral bc too many women in hetero relationships can relate.
Thank you, Jo-Ann! I think the fact that our top-performing posts are about mental loads of cis wives is very telling 🖤
This really resonates. Thank you!!
Thank you for reading XO
Yes!!! I created a list of job descriptions complete with requirements + salary. Each year we sit down as a family, review them, and add new ones (this year we added family trainer + social worker) as the needs of our household change. We have teens now (2 boys) who we are trying hard to raise not just to see ALL the labor required to run a household but to also creative claim, master, and enhance it. Finding joy in this kind of care giving feels really good to me lately. Thought I’d share.