The problem with PTA mom culture
School systems rely disproportionately on a mom workforce to get sh*t done
My son started kindergarten this week. It was exactly how you’d imagine: Lots of nerves, lingering hug, too-big backpack. He was reluctant to let go of my hand when we got to his classroom and found his assigned seat, but quickly turned his attention to Play-Doh.
I was among dozens of other misty-eyed “kinder” parents ushered to an auditorium for kindergarten orientation, where we were introduced to the superintendent, principal, school counselor, and PTA president, who offered us a choice of donut.
I was really impressed by the staff our neighborhood public school, but my other major takeaway was this:
They were all moms.
The PTA problem
I am a product of the Missouri public school system, in which I watched moms act as the driving force behind everything from fundraisers to field trips. They brought in snacks during state-mandated exams and hand-sewed Christmas pageant costumes. My own mother taught microeconomics in our sixth-grade class.
This is not to say that dads were absent — and there were lots of dads at kindergarten orientation — but moms are ever-present in my K-12 memories.
Having involved “school moms” is a great thing. I plan to be one. The problem is that our education system relies on parents to show up on a volunteer basis, and the burden falls disproportionately on moms.
That’s why I wasn’t surprised when I saw my son’s school PTA represented entirely by mothers. Or that they brought doughnuts. 🍩
The problem is that our education system relies on parents to show up on a volunteer basis, and the burden falls disproportionately on moms.
Why PTA culture burdens moms
Caretaking is gendered
From a young age, girls are socialized to take on caregiving and community-building, making us more likely to volunteer for these roles. We also view connection and nurturing as inherently feminine traits and expect that moms will take on roles that involve organizing and volunteering.
Add to that the mom guilt you may feel if you don’t participate in school activities! We tend to equate being a good mother with being really involved in your kids’ activities (and having lots of activities!), and if you’re not present at the meetings and field trips, it might feel like you’re not making the cut.
Work flexibility
Women are still more likely than men to have part-time jobs or more flexible work schedules, which can make us more available during school hours. Take my family, for example: My husband’s work schedule can be kind of extreme, and since he was in med school our expectation was that I take on the demands of childrearing.
Also, if a parent needs to cut back on work hours or quit a job, it’s often the mother that takes the hit. During COVID, which spurred what women’s economic policy research Nicole Mason calls the “she-cession,” we saw 20 million women leave the workforce to fill childcare gaps. The persistent gender wage gap in our country means moms’ jobs are viewed as less critical to household financial stability.
Emotional labor and invisible work
Moms often take on the emotional labor of ensuring that school events, fundraisers, and activities are successful (see: hand-sewing pageant costumes). Coordinating with other parents and handling last-minute issues takes a lot of (unpaid) effort.
It’s not that dads can’t contribute to the same extent; it’s that cultural norms often position them as the breadwinners and mothers as the caregivers. I think there are lower expectations for dads to participate in school-related activities, which perpetuates the cycle where moms are the default volunteers.
What we can do about it
When schools don’t have the money to hire sufficient staff, they rely on parents. Since women are more often expected to volunteer, they become the primary source of unpaid labor.
In an ideal world, we’d pour bajillions of dollars into the education system, so there’d be full-time employees filling all the school roles. But, in lieu of that dreamy reality, here are some thing we can do:
Challenge the assumption that moms fill school volunteer roles
Assign tasks based on skill, not gender
Advocate for workplace policies that allow all parents to have flexible working hours
Offer more virtual options for PTA meetings and volunteering
Ask for paid roles within the school system to handle some of the responsibilities currently placed on volunteer parents
→ The moms in the school supply aisle
When we rely on PTA mom culture
Listen, I’m aware that I’m probably part of the problem. I’m like a walking billboard for PTA mom culture with my flexible work hours, Stanley cup, and overachiever, eldest-daughter mentality. While you’ll certainly see me as “classroom mom” this fall, I wanna keep in mind:
The downsides of defaulting to moms
Adding to the already-overwhelming emotional burden of domestic work and childcare can cause burnout and distress; women already do an estimated 3/4 of the unpaid caretaking work worldwide
We reinforce traditional gender roles, which can discourage dads and other caregivers from participating because they feel it’s not their role
What a great message we send when we see just as many dads (and other caregivers) assembled at school events as moms. Visible, active participation by all grownups is a good way to dismantle our gendered expectations.
And, to a large degree, I think this starts at home, where we can encourage our partners to see our contributions as meaningful and valuable.
It made my day when my husband told me for the first time on Friday:
“Thank you for doing all the emotional labor this week for the start of school. I know it’s a lot, and I really appreciate you.”
I’m gonna remember that. And the doughnuts. 🍩
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