I can't stop thinking about the feminine mystique on Mormon MomTok

Is the Utah Instagram mom femininomenon is a tiding of great things to come?

Since Betty Friedan published The Feminine Mystique in 1963 it’s become one of the most important feminist texts of our time. It captured the profound unhappiness of a generation of (white, middle-class) suburban housewives who took a look at their lives and asked:

“Is this all?”

That’s the feminine mystique: The unspoken, unnamed feeling that there’s something *more* for us out there beyond wifehood and motherhood.

And — hold onto your Stanley cups! — I think we’re seeing evidence that even the stay-at-home-Mormon-Instagram moms are experiencing it.

I don’t wanna make too much of this, but it has to mean something. Is it an omen of the shift in our collective consciousness?

Maybe, as Chappell Roan says, it’s a femininomenon. ✨

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The happy housewife was born

The narrowly-defined roles of 1950s housewives weren’t a natural phenomenon but a reaction to WWII. While men resumed their places in the workforce women were taught that their most fulfilling roles were as wife, mother, and homemaker.

• Ad agencies and pop culture glamorized domesticity and women were continually sold products and lifestyles that emphasized their place in the home.

• When the post-war economy boomed so did the suburbs. Middle-class families moved into single-family homes where men became the “breadwinners.”

• Pop psychologists suggested that women’s fulfillment was directly tied to her biology and her children and home were a reflection of her skill … or her personal failings.

• Educational institutions promoted degrees in homemaking to prepare women for marriage instead of the workforce (I recently wrote about how my grandmother lived in this cult of domesticity)

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The problem that has no name

For many women, the housewife role brought with it confusing feelings of emptiness and loss, then guilt and self-blame. They were taught that being wives, mothers, and homemakers was the ultimate path to fulfillment, but many found that domestic life didn’t give them meaning or personal growth. Rather, they felt stifled, depressed, and anxious, cut off from decision-making and their greater ambitions.

In response to the widespread dissatisfaction, which Friedan called “the problem that has no name,” the pharmaceutical industry began to heavily market tranquilizers and antidepressants. Valium became a popular “quick fix,” dubbed “Mother’s Little Helper” by The Rolling Stones in 1966. Otherwise, untreated depression and anxiety were medicalized and diagnosed as neurosis or hysteria, which reinforced that dissatisfaction was a personal problem, not a societal one.

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It’s still happening

The effects of traditional gender roles did not go away once women started to reenter the workforce en masse and regained some financial independence:

• Women are still primary caretakers and do 3/4 of the unpaid labor worldwide

• The gender pay gap and cost of childcare keep many women financially dependent on others

• Women are still charged with moral guardianship of the family and do the majority of the emotional and domestic labor

… all of which continue to fuel the feminine mystique and the feminist movement, which advocates for an end to systemic inequality.

Now, in the year of our Lord 2024, Vice President Harris is running for president, Femininomenon plays at her rallies, and — as if we needed more proof that it’s time for a *reckoning* — even the Mormon mommies seem to have taken a look at their lives and asked:

“Is this all?”

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Even the Utah moms

Has the feminine mystique infiltrated the strongest stronghold of traditional gender roles, stay-at-home Mormon moms, for whom the ultimate housewife tropes persist?:

• Flawless Pinterest-worthy homes and over-the-top holidays and birthdays

• Curated social media presences with staged photos and matching outfits

• Submissive, stay-at-home wives (-turned family vloggers) with “quivers full of” kids named Bryinleigh, Everleigh, and Saylor

• Utah curls, Stanley tumblers filled with soda (from Sips?)

Yet the internet’s fascination with “Utah culture” suggests that, even among the stereotypical Mormon moms there’s a desire for fulfillment outside the home.

Take, for example, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, in which every “housewife” is also a social media influencer and a breadwinner (see also: Real Housewives of Salt Lake City; Sister Wives; MomTok)

This is what ChatGPT thinks a Mormon housewife looks like 👍🏻

The irony of Mormon MomTok

Here’s my theory: Even the LDS moms woke up one day and felt stifled by the oppressive nature of their prescribed roles. So much so that they took to dancing and making lasagna from scratch on TikTok so they could seek financial independence and self-actualization.

Utah, particularly within communities influenced by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), has long emphasized traditional gender roles. The rise of Mormon moms as social media and reality TV stars — and primary earners — is a sharp left turn.

Mormon MomTok shifts women’s labor into a very public space, where their personal lives, opinions, and experiences are broadcast to large audiences. While being an influencer isn't a conventional career path, it allows these women to achieve financial independence and challenge patriarchal structures … even promote sex toys in the name of empowerment.

This is it, folks. They’re the canary in the coal mine: I think collective awakening is coming. ✨

Chappell Roan

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The point is

Utah moms and #tradwives are today’s epitome of conservative gender roles, but — as the world’s sudden fascination with their subculture puts them under a microscope — I think they’re asking the same question about their domestic existence as the housewives of yore:

“Is this all?”

Tell me in the comments if this has crossed your mind, too, and what you think of Mormon MomTok/Utah culture ↓

@janeinsane_PUMPKIN SPICE EVERYTHING🎃☕️🍁🍂 #utahmom #fall #pumpkinseason #utahmoms #momsoftiktok

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