7 things we shouldn't be embarrassed about, yet here we are ...
Totally normal aspects of womanhood that might give you shame (how many have you reclaimed?)
This is your weekly listicle for Aug 30 2024
Do you know what an “everything shower” is?
It’s when you, like, take a shower shower. Not just an end-of-the-day rinse-off, but a hair-wash, leg-shave, exfoliate, and lotion routine.
My everything shower comes once a week and leaves me feeling like a new woman, partly because it incorporates all the regimens I’m trying to keep up with, all the “womanhood” necessities that have inevitably worked their way into my self image: Condition this hair and remove that hair. Moisturize this skin and scrub that skin within an inch of its life.
My husband, on the other hand, does not have an everything shower. To my knowledge, he just … showers. Granted, he shaves his head, so his hair routine is somewhat limited …
But, ahh, I envy the simplicity of manhood. As I age (rapidly) I feel more pressured to keep certain aspects of my body at bay (hair, wrinkles, attitude). Is it just me, or does this endless cycle of maintenance springs from internalized belief that our natural bodies are an embarrassment? 🧐
On that note, here are seven things we’ve been led to believe are embarrassing … What could we do if we didn’t feel shame about them at all!?
1. Buying tampons
There’s been a lot of discussion about tampons (#TamponTim!) in the media recently, and I just wanna underscore how crazy it is that people are offended by the mere presence of menstrual products.
I wrote here about how in sixth grade I was mortified to be handed a brown paper bag of pads after having our first public school “body talk.” But even years after that I was squeamish about buying or having people see my tampons and pads. Like: Why?
2. Liking pink
I am so guilty of this one. As an adult woman I totally rejected this color in favor of black or army green or other masculine shades. When I taught at a business school I always got steamed about the “shrink-it-and-pink-it” effect on consumer products: A woman’s version of a product is usually smaller, more expensive, and available in pink.
But what is wrong with pink? It was traditionally a masculine color, and …. did the Barbie Movie and Chappell Roan teach us nothing about reclaiming femininity?
3. Having body hair
Did you know that adult women are supposed to be as hairless and smooth as a wet porpoise? No? Well, clearly, you were not raised by the early-00s fashion magazines.
Our continual battle against body hair is nothing short of exhausting. And I’m saying this as someone who pays actual money to get hot wax poured on her nether regions every five weeks: How did we get conned into hating our hair follicles?
But not the ones on our heads. Those are supposed to work overtime.
4. Bra straps and panty lines
When I was twelve I studied abroad in Australia and New Zealand, and I have lots of great memories from the trip. But I am amused still that one of them is how preoccupied we tween girls were with panty lines. We had to wear khakis in public, and we were constantly turning around and asking each other discreetly, “Do I have panty lines?”
God forbid there’s evidence of undergarments. And don’t get me started on the bra straps.
(Actually, do get me started: Why is there a whole industry for manufacturing see-through bra straps? Who are we trying to fool? Do we think the men can’t see the cellophane stretched over our shoulders?)
5. Cellulite, wrinkles, and stretch marks
This one’s a gimme. Entire books have been written about the massive body shame we accumulated around skin texture: Stretch marks. Cellulite. Wrinkles. Any evidence of our bodies maturing past the age of 18.
6. Eating a lot
Have you ever gone on a date and felt simultaneously hangry and self-conscious about how much you’re eating? I have. ✋🏻
There’s some expectation that girls should eat like birds, even when they turn into full-grown adult women who really like lasagna and cheese burgers and chicken cacciatore. I spent so many years ordering house salads for dinner … Let’s just get the thing that sounds the best, and put Parmesan on top.
7. Camel toe
The age of the black legging ushered in with it an intense fear of camel toe, or the mere suggestion of a vulva.
I probably don’t have to tell you this, but camel toe is when you tight-fitting clothing shows the outline of your labia majora. Some say it resembles the foot of a dromedary. I say it looks like a human body.
For a culture obsessed with the female form, we sure are prudes about the female form.
If this resonated with you …
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I was toying with the idea of writing an essay similar to this one (inspired by folding laundry with my kids and my oldest daughter seeing a thong and asking me, "is this actually underwear? or is this an instrument of the patriarchy?") but you basically did it for me. so thanks for that.
and I fully agree with each of these.
I never did understand the panty-line obsession of the early 2000s. So everyone wanted to look like they were going commando?